Hunger Series
by Jaganashi
Summary: Yusuke, heir of Raizen, has inherited many things: inner and outer strength, a fairness of character, and a hunger for human flesh. Yusuke the teenager is finding that the road to self-acceptance can be precarious.
1. Ache

(A/N: This is currently planned to be a three-shot. No warnings for this part, but keep an eye out for it in the future. I don't own the characters)

**The Hunger Series**

**Part One:**

**Ache**

Retirement can sometimes be a job in itself. As contradictory as it sounded, Yusuke had managed to fill his plate with enough challenges to almost ignore the parts of himself that constantly craved more. He had a relationship to fine tune with Keiko, a ramen shop to learn the business of, a marriage to plan, and an adult human life to build. It was a hell of a retirement from demon world and its politics of power and control.

He often found a happy medium with the company of his friends. He would even go so far as to say that a part of his sanity was hinged on the recurring temple days. Some people got together for the occasional night of bowling or a barbeque in the park to reminisce over childhood crushes, horrible teachers, and wild concert nights of the past. Yusuke looked forward to visiting a temple in the woods with a few human psychics, an ice maiden, a kitsune, and on rare visits, a fire demon. Talk of battles, youkai lords, and the nuances of humanity filled their time together.

It was on such a day that Yusuke found himself sitting against a tree, watching Kuwabara babble endlessly to Yukina while Shizuru shared her own observations with the two people next to her. Judging my Kurama's chuckle and Genkai's smile, it had no doubt been a clever but scathing remark at the expense of her younger brother. Some things never changed, and Yusuke found some desperate comfort in that.

Further rebellion against the change of time sat no more than five feet away from the Mazoku. On one of the lower branches sat Hiei, in all of his quiet stillness. They had been sitting in companionable silence, punctuated only by the rising songs of forest katydids and the quiet but recurring growls of Yusuke's stomach.

"You're a fool, detective."

Yusuke was brought out of his lazy reflections of nothing by the sound of the jaganshi's voice. He cocked a smile and replied without looking up, "Aw, come on Hiei. You know that I haven't been on Spirit World's nonexistent payroll for nearly four years."

"Then the fool part still stands." The teen rolled his eyes, preparing a comeback. It was cut short, however, by the fire demon's next words. "How long do you plan to go without a proper meal?"

Yusuke laced his fingers behind his head as a reprieve from the rough bark that he was reclining against. "What are you talking about? My fiance's family owns a ramen shop. Meals aren't exactly scarce around my place."

This time Hiei almost sounded indignant. "You may be fooling your human mate and that idiot of a friend of yours, but I've heard your hunger pains."

The younger boy shrugged, giving off an attitude of nonchalance. "Yeah, and it's just pain. I can deal with pain." There was a pause. "Besides, look how long the old man lived as a vegetarian, and he was a full-blooded demon!"

"Hn." There was a rustle above the teen's head as Hiei shifted his weight. "If you ever decided to use your brain and not just your skull, you'd see that that's exactly my point. He had centuries of good health and accumulated strength and power to fall back on. You won't last nearly as long." Both matter of fact and snide.

Yusuke's lips twisted into a wry grin. "Living for a thousand years is overrated, anyway."

Red eyes narrowed. Hiei had suspected a self-sacrificing attitude, but had hoped that the once detective had grown more intelligent over the years. His voice reflected the dismissal he felt over such absurd ideals. "I don't give you more than ten years before you would starve to death. The fox is generous, giving you twenty."

The grin faded into a frown, brown eyes hardening with cynicism. "Gee, my best friends have a betting pool over my death." His tone turned forcibly light. "Actually, I should have thought of that years ago. I could have struck it big twice by now."

The answering voice was laced with an anger that surprised the teen. "You think it's some kind of joke, Yusuke. That you can ignore the nature of what you are. If you were to decide that you no longer need to defecate, I bet you would will yourself to stop until your own toxins poisoned your bowels."

The frown was still in place, but this time it was from the mental image of the fire demon's words. "That's just gross, Hiei."

"Think of this, then." The anger had softened into something condescending instead. "How many centuries of experience did Raizen have of being intimately familiar with his own body, the hunger, the satisfaction, and the limits? That kind of control required more than the admittedly impressive will power that seems to flow through your bloodline. It requires experience, hard won through failures and success. But without that experience, the initial failure _will_ happen."

Yusuke was immensely uncomfortable. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of such things, it was just that those thoughts always ended along the lines of, 'it's just pain.' The truth of the matter was, a tight ball of fear would begin to form in his chest when he thought of these things for too long. The image of Raizen, wild-eyed and out of his mind with hunger, would begin to plague him. Would he break? Would he lose control and attack someone? What if the person didn't have the strength to break his hold, to snap him out of it? He knew what it was like to awaken after a deed that he had no control over. Only this time, he wouldn't have anyone to blame but himself. No phantom ancestor pulling the strings, just Yusuke and his own weakness of the body and mind.

Yeah, there were reasons that he didn't dwell too long on the rumbling of his stomach. The biting pain was a relief compared to the mentality that it represented.

Hiei's anger seemed to have calmed and his voice held a note of something else. Something that could almost be described as...concern. "You had no qualms about Raizen's people eating humans. You've even expressed how 'stupid' he was being, himself. Why is it any different for yourself?"

It wasn't made to sound like a question, but Yusuke had an answer regardless. He sounded exasperated. "I've got a life here. My family and friends are human. And now I'm supposed to go pick someone off not just to kill, but to butcher? Literally?" His arms waved in the air for emphasis. "Roast a slab of meat over the family grill. 'Oh, Yusuke, that smells delicious. What is it?' 'I think his name was Frank."

Hiei allowed the other to calm down before responding. "I'm sure there are ways of being discreet. Selective. If you _insist_ on protecting the ignorant sensibilities of others." It was something that the jaganshi still couldn't understand, but he had come to accept such ridiculous ultimatums from Yusuke and Kurama both. Foolish as they were.

"The point is, either you take control of how and when it happens...or you _lose_ that control." Yusuke's stomach dropped at the implications, replacing the gnawing pain with nausea. "But you're a damn fool if you think that you can have the same success in willing yourself into starvation as someone as ancient and powerful as your ancestor."

Yusuke was quiet for a moment, allowing both his mind and his insides to calm and settle. His voice reflected the frustration that he felt, finally acknowledging the problem but resenting its lack of a solution. "So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"Hn. You know what I would be doing. I don't have the..." Hiei actually cringed just a fraction. "..._affection_ for these creatures that you do. All I can do is point out the obvious of what will happen if you do nothing." His voice had returned to the same empty flippancy that the conversation had been started with. "Which is only for your benefit, as I don't really care one way or another."

Yusuke knew that Hiei did care, otherwise the conversation would not have even occurred. The fire demon had genuine concern, even if it were as he had said: only for Yusuke's benefit. Unfortunately, the sick twisting of his stomach confirmed that he needed more than the concern of a friend right now.


	2. Diversion

(Author's Note: I do make reference to one point that was brought up in the manga but conveniently glossed over in the anime. The shaman woman that Raizen spoke to Yusuke about was referred to as a cannibal healer. Her body was toxic because she chose to consume the rancid flesh of afflicted humans. This became 'herbs' in the anime, but I rather like the original in this case)

**The Hunger Series**

**Part Two:**

**Deficiency**

Tennis shoes slapped at the pavement with harsh, angry sounds. The wind cut through the air like a sharp whip, tugging and pushing at Yusuke as he ran. The world was a terrible, frightening place that loomed ahead and fell behind. The clouds were too thick to make out even a smattering of stars, and it felt like a giant hand wrapped around the sky to close in on the teen as his breathing refused to be anything but ragged and desperate. The sting in his eyes was due only in part to the cutting wind, and more so in response to the tumble of his own mind. He refused to wipe the tears away, finding some small solace in the way that they blurred reality.

Now if only there was a sound that could drown out her scream.

With vision blurred, he didn't have to see anything. Not the trees as they passed with inhuman speed, not a late night pedestrian startled by something gone past. And most importantly, Yusuke did not have to see light brown eyes, impossibly large with terror and pain. Unless he closed his eyes.

He wouldn't close his eyes. Never again.

A pothole in the concrete grabbed the tip of a shoe and sent him sprawling, tumbling, landing hard on his left shoulder. With momentum stopped, he looked around with uncertainty. He could run forever, and find nothing. Escape nothing. If only he could be nothing. If only he could have done nothing. To her.

With a guttural cry that was sure to frighten any children still lying awake in their beds, Yusuke lifted himself from the ground and tore off into a full sprint once again. He needed everything to make sense, to go back to the way that they had been before. His normal can't be this, but the throbbing in his shoulder assured him that there was no nightmare to wake from. There was nothing to punch and nothing to escape, and that left him with very few options of familiarity.

And familiarity was exactly what he was gravitating toward. A familiar mahogany colored door at the top of four well-traveled steps. A viable shroud of ferns and broad, waxy leaves on a street where other doors were lucky to have a few struggling marigolds. A bronze knocker that Yusuke had seen a hundred times though had never bothered to use. This night was no exception, though he did spare a cringe at the sight of three new depressions on the heavy wood.

Seconds felt like minutes, or were those hours? The dark haired teen allowed the disorientation to fuzzy his thoughts. Wondering why his breathing had yet to even out was a better occupation for his mind than any alternative, though it caused his head to snap up defensively like that of a wounded animal once the door finally opened.

Kurama looked equally startled, the wrinkles in his pajama pants and tank top a sure indication that he had been soundly sleeping before the barrage on his door. His lips parted, but words failed as his eyes raked over the appearance of his friend.

"Yusk-what? Where is your shirt, and why are you bleeding?" Green eyes snapped away quickly, scanning the street, the trees, and the sky for some lurking assailant. Yusuke shook his head, vigorously enough that the disorientation increased a little. His voice was rough, holding a certain quality that Kurama had never heard come from Yusuke.

"No. No one else. I'm the only scary monster that people have to worry about out here."

With brows furrowed, Kurama ushered the other inside the apartment, taking note of every detail that his shuffling companion had to offer. The brunette stepped into the living room on autopilot, but never made it to the couch before simply falling to the floor beside it. With his back against the end of the loveseat, he pulled his knees up and let his head fall between them. His small chest was still heaving, shaking his entire dejected frame.

Always the first to begin analyzing a problem, Kurama decided to forgo the social niceties of the glass of water that Yusuke clearly needed but likely would not drink. Instead, he kneeled barefoot onto the carpet beside the teen, placing a hand near the scraped shoulder. His voice was soft but firm, leaving no doubt that he expected answers. "What happened, Yusuke?"

There was a small sound, animalistic and hurt. Without missing a beat, Kurama's hand moved to pet the matted dark hair in a soothing fashion. "I'll be more specific, then. What happened to your shoulder?"

The response was somewhat muffled by his position, but the words were clear enough to make out. "Fell. S'nothing."

"All right." Kurama paused for a moment before moving on. "And what about your chest? The blood there doesn't smell like yours."

If he didn't know any better, the fox would have said that something had electrocuted the boy in front of him. No sooner did the words leave his mouth, did every muscle in Yusuke's body spasm. He jerked, as if struck, and a choked sob escaped the tightened throat. Something was mumbled softly; a name, or a word. When Kurama asked what it was, that one word was gasped out with such fear and self-loathing that his heart clenched in response.

"Keiko."

A lump formed in Kurama's throat as he chose his next words carefully. "Is she all right, Yusuke? Does she need help?"

Tanned shoulders rounded inward. "She…" His voice cracked, and it took four more tries. "She's going to be okay. Some…stitches. She told the hospital…an animal…"

Kurama let out a breath in relief. The knowledge was pressing down on them both, but it had to be said. "What happened?"

Yusuke's hands came up to cover his ears, knocking Kurama's hand away in the process. "I did! I happened! God, what the fuck is wrong with me?!"

Kurama spoke in low tones, but was ignored or unheard. The teen's eyes were screwed shut, already breaking the promise that he had made to himself that would keep him from seeing her eyes as she was truly afraid of him for the first time. His hands did nothing to block the sound of her scream, all pain and surprise and a pleading for things to stop.

He hadn't realized that he had been rocking back and forth until long fingers grasped his wrists in a bruising grip and forced them away from his ears. His face raised up a fraction, tear-stained and still holding a wide-eyed fear. A slender hand dropped a now slack wrist in lieu of wiping the tracks from wet cheeks. "It was an accident, Yusuke."

Chocolate eyes widened and he jolted back, as if slapped. "How the hell can you-"

His words were cut off by Kurama's no nonsense tone of voice. Sharp, and matter of fact. "I can because I know you. You would never mean to hurt Keiko. Something got away from you, and she knows that if she had already devised a cover story for what had happened."

Yusuke seemed lost in thought for several moments, and Kurama let him navigate those dark channels on his own. After deliberation, Yusuke could do little else than shake his head. "You didn't see the look on her face. The sound that she made. You don't…" His eyes slipped closed, ashamed. "You don't know how good it felt to bite into her."

Slender fingers wiped away the fresh hot tears spilling over at the confession. His last words left a bitter, acidic taste in Yusuke's mouth, so he sought to cleanse it with more words. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I just wanted to touch her. We were alone, and it had been a pretty good night. Things got kind of hot and heavy, and she was going with it. It was, you know, going to be our first time. All the way."

The words stopped, but his eyes stayed closed. Kurama's lids dropped slightly in understanding and sympathy. His voice was soft, putting the finishing touches on the picture that Yusuke had been painting. "And one lust fed into another."

Yusuke cringed, opening his eyes without looking at anything. "Did you have to use the word fed?"

Kurama took a deep breath and let it out as a soft sigh. He wasn't certain how much good it was going to do, but he offered what wisdom he had in the situation. "It's fairly common, Yusuke. When our bodies are starved of one thing, it can become confusing as that deficiency creeps into other parts of our lives. When a person becomes dehydrated, for example, there is a point when they are no longer thirsty. But their hunger rises, because their survival instinct says that if thirst isn't working, perhaps there's water to be found in food."

The brunette caught on with a blunt accuracy that only Yusuke could muster. "Yeah, well I don't want to find food in sex."

Strong fingers cupped around Yusuke's chin, lifting firmly until their eyes met. Green eyes seemed darker than usual, serious and somber. "That is the repercussion of starvation, Yusuke. There's no getting around the fact that such deprivation will make your control falter, and your senses weak." The fox sighed, his grip on the troubled Mozaku never relenting. "Did you not express a neutral stance on the dietary needs of your father's race? So long as it wasn't procured through cruelty or glutton, you seem to understand when it's not your own needs. Why is it any different when those needs are yours?"

Brown eyes slide to the side, then startled wide when there was a sharp answering tug on his face. Kurama would not let him look away, and those once sympathetic features were turning hard with irritation and determination. "The woman that you say Raizen spoke to you about chose to eat human flesh, without even the natural inclination to."

Watching Yusuke try to form words around the other's crushing grip would have been comical under any other circumstances. As it was, neither found humor in the situation. "She was a healer. She did it to save people."

Green eyes narrowed, Kurama drawing his face in close to Yusuke's. They were nearly nose to nose, and thus, the red head's voice lowered even more. "Your father's people consumed flesh for the most basic and necessary of reasons: to live. Your ancestral mother put aside her own natural dietary needs and consumed flesh to heal. And you, Yusuke Urameshi, cannot find the strength to care for your most basic of needs? How easily you allow yourself to become a danger to yourself and to the people you supposedly care for."

Yusuke's throat worked as he fought to swallow past the dryness. His mind reeled with reasoning, though he knew none of it would hold up to that emerald glare. More importantly, there was no reason, no excuse, that would validate his losing control and hurting a loved one again. There was not a reason in the world that Yusuke would have to hear Keiko scream with such betrayal and terror.

"What do you have in mind?"


End file.
